My ex boyfriend killed himself yesterday around 5 or so. I can honestly say I've never loved someone as much as I love him. In the end things were really bad with us, and we would fight all the time but I think he was trying to push me away, so that when he did it, it wouldn't hurt so much for me. Like, it was his way of protecting me. I'm completely devestated and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. He was technically my ex after all, but I think a lot of the issue, now looking back, was that he had made up his mind. And now everyone who loves him is left to deal with the consequences.